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  • Ryan Choy

Who Are You & Who The **** is N.Perry?

Updated: Jul 13, 2021

Your job, your duty and your status doesn't represent who you are. What does then? I found out the hard way - it could have been harder.

I was in a rather dark place a couple of months ago due to issues both personally and with work - I was not happy. But I’ve had a breakthrough recently and I wanted to share it with everyone here as soon as I felt I was ready - I guess I am now.

A few months ago, I was described as “a good hands-on father” and a “hardworking entrepreneur”. It was meant as a compliment and one that everyone seemed to agree with.

Something about that struck me when I got home because I felt that all fathers should try to be as hands-on as possible; not because that’s what makes you a good father but because you should always preserve the mental wellness (& sanity) of your wife. She is your utmost priority.

And by default, if you’re an entrepreneur and you’re not hardworking, then you better give up immediately because there’s no glamour in being your own boss and lying to yourself that you work hard if that’s not the truth.

The longer I sat on this, the clearer the problem became - I enjoyed spending time with my son, and doing whatever I could for my wife & work, but I had neglected something rather crucial. It was me, and if I was not careful, I’d be miserable, and eventually so would my wife.

I’m thankful now because I’ve avoided a huge mental train wreck. At the same time, it also allowed me to answer a very deceptively simple question: Who am I? Maybe some of you have it figured out, but I know some of you don’t.

So if you’re going through a period where you feel burnt out, unhappy or lost, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone and it can be solved because it all starts with having a very serious conversation with yourself - I’m glad I did, because I now look forward to every single day knowing I’ll do well. We each go through different problems in life and in my case it is learning how to be happy as an individual and as a “dadpreneur”. If I can help others along the way, then I see no harm in sharing this journey of self-discovery and what it means to be happy (in my pov).

Then the question begs - who is N. Perry and what is the N.Perry Society? Neil Perry is a fictional character from one of my favourite movies - The Dead Poet's Society. I'm not going to go into what it's about but I urge everyone to watch it. In the movie, Neil Perry is a popular character among students, and also the leader of the Dead Poets Society. His dream is to become an actor, but he is forced into the medical field by his father. Unable to stand up to him, he eventually commits suicide.

Sounds like a pretty typical role in a movie? Probably. But I believe there are several Neil Perrys in this world. Maybe you're not governed by your parents, or bound by any circumstances but for some reason, you are simply unable to change, go for what you want, say what you want, or worse, are dishonest with yourself. This space is a place for me to express my thoughts, and I hope that through reading them, perhaps you'll realise you're not alone in your struggles or that it's actually not so bad to just speak (or write) your mind. So now, ask yourself, who are you?

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